Is been awhile... That I didn't not update my blogger. 

Reason I update I guess I have no way to express myself.     All about work. 

I got promoted as Assistant Manager @ WOOBAR. 

I got a very tinny manning. As in like 2 manning. Of cause bosses seen how we struggle. And they finally allowed us to hired part time from there I also got quota to have 1 more permanent. Yes, I got him. My little teddy bear. =)

Lets cut the crap out. 

I not sure if I am a good leader or manager.  

I always assume everyone in the team has well known how the operation works. 

Like daily shit. Opening - HiTea  - WIP - Closing. 

Beside surprises or event. ALL SHIT IS SAME

Everyday have the same crap. Disorganize 

Well, tried briefing. But apparently seem to be same. 

Why when anyone wanted things to be done, where been see as Ganjiong? Why is so funny to laugh at people that make you feel good? Whats the problem with these people man

Shit happen is to fking recovery. Who the fk is you. Dayday crying restless, too many work to do cannot handle a single person. 

argh... 

I done.    

最近的我

最近發生的事情， 一波又一波

老實說....我 不知道要用什麼心態去化解？理解？體諒？...

我還沒見到ni前 我是覺得心裡有疙瘩。 

我不想見到ni， 因為我真預想不到 當下要用什麼心態去面對ni

我也知道ni 是否 明白 為什麼我會選擇搬離。

有個👭說， ni是知道的。 ni個聰明人，ni知道的

我也無法去確認還是否認ni是知道還是不知道

我 很怕 那個答案。 

我沒辦法 正視/面對。 無數次告訴自己 要 面對。

容易嗎？！

我知道我自己為人，很重 情。 我也很清楚， 我也可以很狠心。

但是， 我一次有一次的將這個狠心降低 底線

我真 狠不下心。 

真的 做不到。 Haiz～ 我自己家人也沒 那麼的...退讓？隱忍？我也不知道要怎樣形容

大家都說， 算了吧！只要把錢還了，見面還是朋友。 也許也沒有像以前那麼好了。

我當下也是這樣麼想。 

可是， 今天的見面....

讓我又看到 一下的希望。 同時， 為什麼你會這樣對我勒？

因為ni真把我當閨蜜看，還是....

那個答案... 怎樣看 都是讓人難解。

我 好 ... ... 

我不知道要怎樣形容我的心情。

我太糟糕了！

Should I get mad or another emotion could be?

自從搬出去以後， 雖然是比起以前 輕鬆了很多

還是會有過不去的時候。 

你說 你沒辦法在月頭還我錢  可是，你可以跟朋友出去吃好料 

雖然不是很貴 就是RM60 塊以內 不多也不少

我不停問自己 當初為了cover 幫你給房租還有一些開銷 我都沒能給自己這樣的開銷 

因為我不敢！ 我怕花了 我等下就不夠錢用  因為我不是只是要想我自己！ 

我還有2只狗之餘還有一個人要養著

你的所有舉動就是為了給別人知道 沒有我 你也一樣過的很好！ 我的天！

我沒有要比過不下去日子， 你如果沒有欠我錢 日子過的天花龍鳳 我都替你高興

我很久以前就開始告訴你 開始局部的還我錢 因為我需要用錢

你 從來不把我當一回事。 你是自私的！ 我明白！ 你的一舉一動讓我很徹底 無言

為什麼當初 我要死省爛省 然後你還是可以過你要過的日子

你要出來租房子 你要養狗 這些都是錢 朋友！

haiz～ 氣到真的不知道要說什麼好！ 

我好噁心。 我浪費了我心在一個不成把我朋友看待的人身上

 

First of 2020

Just another "new year", I guess?

is been a lot to me 2019, 2020 just almost the same as 2019. In personal life getting stable than last year.
I lost my wallet 2 times. Last year Dec once and this month again.
and I got a fine RM300+ for real. Sigh.... this is ridiculous.

Another big thing is I have moved out of my house (My parent's house).
I've rented a unit with one of my close friend, since last year June. She officially moved in with me same as her's cousin. Well... her's cousin was another story. (Let's talk about this later)

The moment that we stay together that is nothing happen. Just like normal. I work day and night, usually, she will be at home unless she has a job than she will not be at home all the time. In between this, there is an outcome that is she had a heartbroken situation. I might not able to be with her when the moment she needs me to accompany.

Then, one day I got a message from her. She asked when I come back. At that moment, I knew something might go the wrong way. I knew she has put quite an effort into this relationship. Breaking up is a super hard time for her to heal. She was super down, emotional, just like anytime it could happen something that I've imagined. So, that is how come up this mind. WE HAVE 2 PUPPIES.

At first, we wanted to have 1 just to accompany her since I am not able to be on her side 24/7. Of cause, that also half of myself love puppies as well. Then, we found adoption at Facebook and we really found it. Then, she went to pick up. Out of expectation, it was the last 2 puppies waiting for adoption - 1 female, 1 male.

She prefers to have a male puppy less work, obviously.  And she sent me a video, to asked me what to do. There are the last 2 puppies when she told the male puppy and the female puppy showed the pity eyes (=.= that's how I got a final call said). Fk it! Take 2! We will figure out in the end.

And, we started to have a life with puppies. Let's have a quick view of the 2 naught ass.



Please bear with me... This is the first-ever to do this video. Thought of a quick view. I hope I didn't cross over any copyright thing.


Until today I've decided to ship out with my partner due to the conflict over here that I couldn't take it anymore.  I've been looking out all of my closes friends to help me analyze all those negative emotional fasts, it's it because personal? As in like, it's because I have helped out too much and people just used to it until that is nothing to her.  Hm...

In the end, I decided to bring up this as in serious talk. And the attitude of her's...... It just made me so disappointed and it is really upset me a lot. All the effort has given, just nothing to her. Maybe because of her's personal issue that couldn't let go of her's ego or faces that she has.

After everything I've helped is just nothing. SPEECHLESS.

I will end here. Too many things....I couldn't take it as normal. (Maybe)

💔Lost ⚉ Grateful

Once again, I breakup with you again.
OfficiallyOut of sudden we get back together, meaningless relationship
Perhaps you planned come back to me
All this while you use me
You used my kind heart
You used the crush that I toward to you.

And now...

What I get for the payback...is the cruel facts 
You blamed me , cold- blooded
You blamed me , ruthless
You blamed me everything...
Your ego killed my love that towards to you.
Selfishness of yours killed me bit by bit.

You told me 
"All you need to know is I know you were very close with someone else"
That is the main reason I breakup with you.  Don't be sillyThere is so many reason why I choose to breakup.
You literary searching an excuse to accuse me for real.
... ...
Apparently, the person that I used to know as in front of me and... is totally opposite. Am I too naive OR you just way too good covered???

After so many things, the true was the most killing me
YOU CHEATED ME ALL THIS TIME.

You ask money from me, are you use to another girls?? 
I am doubting myself how much did I really know you well?  

Give me a good reason why you can't return my money after so many month?
Give me a good reason why shouldn't think that way ( You used me as ATM, all this while)
Give me a good reason so called BOYFRIEND what should he do when he knows,I were in a urgent situation that desperate need money to rolling for my family? and the moment he had borrowed from me had a quite number of amount.
You...chose to pretend don't know that I need you return me a favor.Or maybe I shouldn't have the same expectation that I expect you could do the same shit when you were in a hard time,what I can do for you. 
Yes, I keep telling you I have sufficient money to keep myself a live, but the true is I just lie to you that didn't want you to worry much. Although, I did not enough money I tried my way to survived. I tried everything not to let you feel, after I borrowed the number of amount than I were in a suffer. 

The fact is YES! I'AM!
I really feel twist as fuck!
ALL THIS WHILE I WAS A SHARING MY BOYFRIEND WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
For good reason YOU THREATEN ME. 

We were had a agreement, but you...broke the agreement.
EVERYTHING YOU PROMISED, EVERYTHING WE HAD AGREED
IT JUST USED FOR PROTECT YOURSELF
TO HURTED SOMEONE AND MAKE SURE SHE HATES YOU
TO HURTED SOMEONE NOT TO GET CLOSE TO YOU, BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO FACE TO TRUE.
I am totally LOST, serious shit to say I literary don't no who to trust.
 
I am disappointed as fuck, the guy said how much love and care he is. In the end, you just a coward.

Well known as HUMAN NATURE;

Just to know blamed
I hurt you
I pushed you
I forced your "dark side" take over your mind
Seriously! I HAD NO HOPE ON YOU. Whether YOU WANNA RETURN MY MONEY OR NOT.

WHY?

I know you well, you will just pretend nothing happen and just wait for the time past.
I don't get it, how can a 28 years old guy can have a such attitude. I really want to blame, why? The money I borrowed you, isn't it I earn by myself? My blood and sweat, literary using my life to exchange the money. 
For a very good reason "I don't want to talk to you, I will return when I feel to return" Is a REAL MAN should do?
Aren't be automatically return when you can? I DON'T spend your money all this while.
I ASKED YOU BUY ME ANYTHING, because I know you won't. If you will, you would had done without I tell or ask.

 

Conclusion:
YOU BETRAYED ME! TRAITOR! YOU USED MY KINDNESS AS GRANTED-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I must move forward. This is my last time that I think of this.
I will not tear a single tear for you
My tears deserve a person who knows to appreciate me.
I am glad he always be there for me. No matter how stress he is, I know there is a sentence he always like to say "If I available, not always. Don't bring up your expectation"
Yes, I won't. But I am grateful what you had done for you.
That is really more than enough.
Thank you very much.
All the pamper you give, all the patient you give...
Im sorry I always tears in front because of HIM...
Im sorry I always bought you into a situation that you shouldn't be, but you always open warn arm to me.
Im sorry for all the unfair situation I put you in...
I don't no are you really okay with it or not. You said if it is not okay, you will tell
That was a same shit HE telling me. I know should put you and HIM together.
Arh~Just really phobia with it.
But I thankful that you bit by bit to guiding me.
  

   

New Place , New Polities

I believe any where are the same...

Perhaps I just being to navy to believe that everyone here are willing helping each other form bottom if their heart.

Unfortunately, no such thing!

YOU BEEN IN THE DREAM TOOOOOOOO LONG!

What do you mean that "What suppose of B&F Reservation do?" "What is B&F Reservation?"..etc

People helped not because they too free nothing to do,they just think you need a hand to help you out. While the person  have the little slot to help you out. NOT COMPULSORY HELPING YOU TO DO CONFIRMATION & UPDATE RESERVATION WHILE YOU'RE ON DUTY.

Taking people's kindness as granted. It will just helping yourself chasing people out indirectly.

Perhaps..in term of dirty game I mind not know very well... anyway....

IM JUST VERY DISAPPOINTED!!!!!

All those dirty game...politic...pin point game....

Welcome to reality !

4/4/2018

today I only realize...um...blogger view from oversea... ha ha
was not that expected.

Well back on line. I shaking spoke to my boss before yesterday, i got a better offer from other company.
When the moment I told him,he was like immediately respond "better offer? GO!" I was like...phew...glad he is okay with that. reason why I so struggle is bcoz I in this company, I have very good bosses. They take care me l lot and they give me opportunity,like a lot opportunity. But speaking about the experience,I still....nothing,perhaps. End up he called me during operation to check on is the operation smooth or not? another motive was... asked me stay. OMG....just like a thunder dropped on me =.= seriously....and he slow talk this and that..what owner told him how owners look up on me. I know how owners look up on me,maybe that's the really why I needed to leave? I wanted to let them see, a new me instead of just what they seeing me now.

There were always have some of the issue with my manager and also a lot of reason to make me feel leave as in like...Fine Dining. Yes, I might not have any experience in a proper Fine Dining. least...... I know that people go for Fine Dining is bcoz of Quality of Food and Services. Correct me if i am wrong.

Of course when goes to business, it always quantity go first than quality.That's really me feel so frustrated. Why cant just balance it...meanwhile try to be flexible. ( This shit is not gonna be easy)
Hence, I was tried so so so hard to make things right. But shit always happen.

I was talk with my mentor yesterday. Yes, nowadays people were not look on quality when goes to business. But if outside there is any better offer go for it. I still young. Just gain more experience instead stay in a same place. Yes, I know...Just is kinda heavy to me to leave a place that really treat you as family? the environment...I think out there definitely wont have such a feels.

Anyhow I did know some of the people wanted to leave like hell. hahaha...is really feel sad. anyway, I will find the way out. (Dont bother will be good)


this feelings just worst than breaking up with your loves one.

Tell Me You Love me

Recently just kinda insane with this song, kinda meant to me...Maybe...
from the lyric tats what I really needed. Anyway, he might not the right person. We just more comfort to be friends,perhaps.

GoodBye.